One month into 2012, I have grown rather complacent with the way things are going. Work is slower, though I had reduced hours anyway due to my ailments, but I am getting to the point where money is getting too tight for my comfort and must think about other options. Therefore I will probably be looking for new work, or another job, or some kind of changes at my current job, whether that means going to dayside, transferring, or whatever I need to do to make some more money.
I am getting concerned, I am losing my insurance due to having less hours than the average they want for me to be allowed to keep it. So... no idea how I am going to pay for cataract surgery on my left eye. Not sure what I am going to do. A friend suggested I get some medical assistance from the state, though I have never had to do this and really am unsure how to do it. If it is even possible for me. Though considering I am losing sight in my left eye and there is no guarantee that I won't in my right eye, I am a bit scared. Something must be done...
I am getting older as well, the physical nature of my job is starting to take a toll, though I am doing ok and can still work alright, it's not going to be something I can just keep doing forever. So I have to find something else. I have to try to do something else. Unfortunately in my life things haven't gone the way I had planned and therefore career is a word that I really don't have. I have a job, I don't have a career. I have done many types of jobs and have many years experience in many fields, just nothing in one field that can sustain me for life. Would be nice. The American dream as it seems isn't as rosy.
Much soul searching I must do. I thought about doing some voice over work somehow, I do have the voice for it, but really don't know how to go about getting education or work in that field. Something I suppose I should research. Rather lost...
It is tough battling what I battle, depression messes with me mentally, gout and arthritis mess with me physically, so yeah, you can imagine how difficult it is to remain motivated when you have those going against you even being on medication. I do the best I can with what I have, but right now the best isn't appearing to be good enough. So... again... something must be done.
Anyway, I assure you that I am alright. I just need to make some changes in my life, in my heart, in my mind... no this does not involve religion, this just involves me. Please, no religious speeches in response to this. Those of you who read this know how I feel about religion, not a big fan and certainly not a fan of those that believe they should preach to me. I just need my friends to remain my friends and be supportive with their care, and positive reinforcement.
Until next time...
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Farewell MMXI - Hello MMXII
2011 was not the best of years for me. While I have many friends and am greatly blessed and cared for. A few things in my life haven't been easy. I did however only have a few gout attacks this year, much better than in year's past. I don't think I used my cane more than once or twice the entire year and that is amazing. However I did learn that I have developed a cataract in my left eye, I need to somehow find a way to get it removed so I can see better out of that eye, just have to figure out how. I'm sure things will work themselves out for the best.
So here we are, an hour and a half into 2012. I hope that everyone is safe and that everyone is being responsible. Last year there were a few incidences that involved drunk driving, that affected me personally. I was not involved, but I knew of one man that died because of a drunk driver and knew of another man that had killed someone (separate incidents). Don't be stupid, you could just change / erase someone's life forever, including your own.
Anyway, back to 2012. I am hoping that things become more stable for me. That my depression doesn't hold me back and that my heart and mind are at peace. Would be nice to be in love, however I'm not going to wish for that, simply because if it is meant to be, it will be. That is how I see that mystical and magical emotion that is love. I am not one to pursue it, it is not meant to be hunted. I hope to work on more forms of art, continue writing poetry, working on music (as a hobby) and maybe complete a song, been a few years since I've done that. I am hoping to continue to make a difference in a positive way to people I am close to and maybe even a stranger or two. This does not mean I won't be my outspoken self. I like who I have become generally, though I believe I have much more to offer this world and believe the world has much more to offer me.
Remember to respect everyone (unless they give you reason not to), be honest, have integrity, be sensitive to the fact that not everyone may be as well off as you, or as stable as you, or as understanding. We all share this world together, we co-exist. Those of many colors, many ethnic backgrounds and cultures, those of many belief systems. We are human, our hearts, our minds and our souls (if you believe in such). As I have said before, if you don't choose to co-exist, feel free to find your own planet to live on, because being here, you have no choice.
To my friends, I say this often, because you never know when something may happen which will not allow me to. You are my world, I love you all. Thanks for sharing your lives with me.
Until next typings...
So here we are, an hour and a half into 2012. I hope that everyone is safe and that everyone is being responsible. Last year there were a few incidences that involved drunk driving, that affected me personally. I was not involved, but I knew of one man that died because of a drunk driver and knew of another man that had killed someone (separate incidents). Don't be stupid, you could just change / erase someone's life forever, including your own.
Anyway, back to 2012. I am hoping that things become more stable for me. That my depression doesn't hold me back and that my heart and mind are at peace. Would be nice to be in love, however I'm not going to wish for that, simply because if it is meant to be, it will be. That is how I see that mystical and magical emotion that is love. I am not one to pursue it, it is not meant to be hunted. I hope to work on more forms of art, continue writing poetry, working on music (as a hobby) and maybe complete a song, been a few years since I've done that. I am hoping to continue to make a difference in a positive way to people I am close to and maybe even a stranger or two. This does not mean I won't be my outspoken self. I like who I have become generally, though I believe I have much more to offer this world and believe the world has much more to offer me.
Remember to respect everyone (unless they give you reason not to), be honest, have integrity, be sensitive to the fact that not everyone may be as well off as you, or as stable as you, or as understanding. We all share this world together, we co-exist. Those of many colors, many ethnic backgrounds and cultures, those of many belief systems. We are human, our hearts, our minds and our souls (if you believe in such). As I have said before, if you don't choose to co-exist, feel free to find your own planet to live on, because being here, you have no choice.
To my friends, I say this often, because you never know when something may happen which will not allow me to. You are my world, I love you all. Thanks for sharing your lives with me.
Until next typings...
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